Sponsored Blog by Zoe Lamming Therapy
It’s getting to that time of year when we all start to slightly stress out about the big Ho Ho Ho… whether its planning Christmas day, helping the kids with their lines for the xmas play, or worrying about how we are going to pay for it all and keep everyone happy, we all feel the pressure to create a perfect Christmas for our families.
Here are my 5 top tips for keeping it together in the run-up to Xmas;
1. Reject perfectionism
Forget the idea that you need to create a perfect Christmas! You don’t and it won’t be – no matter how hard you try. And it doesn’t matter. Perfectionism is the evil of good… when we strive for perfection, we are continuously disappointed with our efforts because perfection only exists in our heads. Focus on good enough, focus on what you do, rather than what you don’t. And congratulate yourself for your efforts, rather than berating yourself for what you haven’t done.
2. Stop comparing
Don’t compare to other people. It’s a hiding to nothing. Everyone does their own thing, in their own way, with their own priorities. Some people prioritise how things look, some people prioritise how things feel, some prioritise spending money on Xmas presents and others prioritise making them themselves. It doesn’t matter what other people do. Do your thing in your way. It’s not better, or worse, it’s different, and it’s good enough for you and your family.
3. Know and respect your own boundaries
We can easily get swept up at Christmas in feeling that we have to be all things to all people, without actually considering what we want. Remember it’s ok to say “I’m sorry that doesn’t really work for me and my family”. It’s ok to say “Thanks for the invite, can I check my diary and let you know”. And finally, it is important to listen to yourself, to know when it’s time to have a rest, to know when you need some time on your own and to ask for some help. People who love and respect you will understand this.
4. Remember what matters
It’s not the big presents, or whether the tablecloth matches the napkins. Decide what really matters to you and your family. Memories are based on feelings, not things. Kids will remember how they felt – that cosy afternoon when you snuggled up with a bowl of popcorn in your pyjamas and watched movies, or on Xmas eve when you got soaking wet in the rain putting out the reindeer food and came in and had hot chocolate and marshmallows to warm up. It’s the time spent together, prioritising one another (put your phone down!). Feeling felt and heard is what matters.
5. Pay it forward
Did you know that showing compassion for and doing things for others releases the hormone oxytocin, which makes us feel good about ourselves? So whether it’s giving some of your time to your kid’s PTA / school event, donating presents to a local appeal, or even offering a seat at your Christmas Day table to a lonely neighbour, think about what you can do to spread a little Xmas cheer of your own, whilst at the same time boosting your happy hormones and giving yourself a well needed positive energy boost.
Zoe Lamming is a psychotherapist in private practice, with a special interest in parental mental health.
Zoe has a face-to-face clinic in Ilkley, offers walk-and-talk therapy taking in the views of Wharfedale, and online therapy nationwide.
You can contact her at www.zoelammingtherapy.co.uk or by phone on 07481 906366.
