Being a mum of 5 year old twins myself, I’m a realist – perfection is not the end goal here – but a chaotic home can have an impact. Did you know research indicates that clutter and disorder increases stress levels for both parents AND children? And that children’s quality of play decreases the more toys they have?
Here are my top tips for a calmer home and head with kids:
Model the behaviour you want to see
Often when working with families, I find children are being asked to tidy their rooms but they’re unsure about what that means. Younger children can get very frustrated & older children despondent. If your child’s bedroom is untidy, firstly make sure you’remodelling the behaviour you’re asking of them i.e. keeping your own spaces in order. And secondly offer to help them tidy & help them think of habits that will maintain their tidy space.
You’re a team
From a young age, children should be encouraged to take some responsibility for their spaces. Resist the urge to ‘do it for them’ but at the same time, give specific instructions e.g. to straighten the duvet and pillow on their bed when they get up each morning. A tidying up process should take place at the end of each day and it’s a team effort. Make it fun by putting on music or setting a timer. And incentivise it – perhaps ‘tidy up time’ has to happen before they receive a treat such as watching TV.
Observe and listen
What counts as clutter is very individual to each child so watch your children closely as they play. What gives them pleasure and what frustrates them? Some may love their vast collection of Lego. Yes each and every piece! Others never touch it. Just because an older sibling played in a certain way, doesn’t mean a younger one will. Don’t keep things because you somehow feel you should. It’s better to pass on the toy to a child for whom it WILL bring joy.
Be patient
Unless they are very young, it’s best to involve them in any decluttering so you build trust and so that they learn how to do it! Get them to look at each and every toy and ask them whether they use it and love it. You may think they will say “yes” about everything but you might be surprised. Even if they refuse to let anything go at first, you will have planted the seed that ‘things’ are potentially fluid and they can come and go from our lives.
Promote conscious consuming
Encourage them to value experiences as well as things and make it the norm that ‘a present’ can be a cinema trip as well as a toy. Let them see you buy toys second hand and explain that you’re extending the life of it and supporting a charity or individual. Also, because you pay a fraction of the cost, you’ll feel less guilty if you pass things on again afterwards. Involve your child in the process of donating to charity and discuss why other children might need their toys. By encouraging them to pass their old toys on, you can empower them, make them feel good about themselves and send an important message: it’s is well documented that doing things for others makes us happier in the long term.
Get the right storage
When it comes to toy storage, I find many people don’t have enough of it. Make sure toys are easy to put away (simple sliding drawers or boxes). You might want to separate into categories i.e. jigsaws, vehicles, dress up, instruments etc or just keep it simple and have a large chest for each child. Most families find it necessary to have toy storage in more than one place i.e. in a bedroom and living area so choose storage you like looking at and that goes with the rest of the décor.
Teaching children how to tidy and declutter can make home and everyone in it feel calmer. It will also instil in them that keeping the home in order is an essential life skill for when they have homes of their own.
Kate Ibbotson, Declutter Expert & Professional Organiser, A Tidy Mind www.atidymind.co.uk
